Best Lawyer Jokes
A blonde and a lawyer found themselves sitting next to each other on a plane.
The lawyer asked the blonde to play a game. If he asked her a question that she didn’t know the answer to, she would have to pay him five dollars; And every time she asked the lawyer a question that he didn’t know the answer to, the lawyer had to pay the blonde fifty dollars.
The lawyer asked the blonde his first question, “What is the distance between the Earth and the nearest star?”
Without a word the blonde paid the lawyer five dollars.
The blonde then asked him, “What goes up a hill with four legs and down a hill with three?”
The lawyer thought about it for a long time, but finally gave up. He handed the blonde a $50 bill, and asked her what the answer was.
Without saying a word the blonde gave the lawyer five dollars.
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A man went into a lawyer’s office, and demanded to see the lawyer. He was escorted into the lawyer’s office.
The man needed legal help, but he knew how expensive lawyers could be, so he inquired, “Can you tell me how much you charge?”
“Of course”, the lawyer replied, “I charge $500 to answer three questions.”
“Don’t you think that’s an awful lot of money to answer three questions?”
“Yes it is”, answered the lawyer, “What’s your third question?”
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“How can I ever thank you?” gushed a woman to Clarence Darrow, after he had solved her legal troubles.
“My dear woman,” Darrow replied, “ever since the Phoenicians invented money there has been only one answer to that question.”
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George had responded to a call from his attorney, insisting that they meet at once. He arrived at his lawyer’s firm, and was ushered into his office.
“Do you want the bad news first or the terrible news?” the lawyer asked.
“Well, if those are my choices, I guess I’ll take the bad news first.”
“Your wife found a picture worth a half-million dollars.”
“That’s the bad news?” George was stunned? “If you call that bad, I can’t wait to hear the terrible news.”
“The terrible news is that it’s of you and your secretary.”
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A gang of robbers broke into a lawyer’s club by mistake. The old legal lions gave them a fight for their life and their money. The gang was very happy to escape.
“It ain’t so bad,” one crook noted. “We got $25 between us.”
The boss screamed: “I warned you to stay clear of lawyers–we had $100 when we broke in!”
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