Nugent needed legal advice, so he walked into the office of Gregory, Ellis and Gregory. Nugent sat down at the desk of the senior member of the firm.
“If you’re not rally in bad trouble, I’ll take the case,” said Gregory. “If you’re in a real jam and want to get out of it, my partner will handle it.
If, on the other hand, you’re not involved and want to get in trouble, my on, who just graduated from law school, will take it!”
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A lawyer stood at the gate to Heaven. St. Peter was patiently explaining that the man’s sins were far too many and serious to allow for admission into heaven.
“Sir, surely you don’t deny that you routinely overcharged your clients. That you cheated on your wife with your law clerks and associates — and that you used your position as a partner to pressure those clerks and associates into becoming involved with you. Surely you don’t deny that you deliberately took false positions in court in order to win cases, where any sense of ethics would have caused you to settle. And there’s so much more here, why surely….”
The lawyer interrupted, “Yes, yes, I know all of that. But I’ve done some charity in my life as well.”
St. Peter looked in his book and noted,”Yes, I see. Once you gave a dime to a panhandler and once you gave an extra nickel to the shoeshine boy, correct?”
The lawyer looked smug. He replied, “Yes.”
St. Peter turned to the angel next to him and said, “Give this guy 15 cents and tell him to go to hell.”
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Have you seen the current remake of the movie “Cape Fear?”
It’s about a deranged psychotic who is seeking revenge against a lawyer.
The question is, while watching the movie, for whom do you root?
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Jack and Mugs, two second-story men from Flatbush, were comparing notes on recent burglaries.
“Didja get anything on that last heist?” Jack asked.
“Nuttin’ at all,” Mugs admitted. “Toins out that the guy that lives there’s a lawyer.”
“Jeez, ain’t that the breaks,” his friend sympathized.
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After a long life, dutifully serving his parishioners, the elderly priest died. He found himself in Heaven, where he was warmly greeted by St. Peter. “Welcome,” St. Peter said, “You have lived a good life. Let me take you to your quarters, and then I’ll show you around Heaven.”
St. Peter took the man to a rather plain building, and escorted him to a small room. The room was humbly furnished, but was functional. The priest was a bit surprised, having expected Heaven to be a bit more extravagent, but he was happy to be there.
They then began their tour of Heaven, and it was absolutely beautiful. The priest felt silly for his initial resentment over his room.
Finally, they came upon an enormous mansion. A butler opened the door to the mansion and a man came out, dressed to the nines, and proceeded down a long walkway to the front gate, as servants rolled a red carpet before him. When he reached the gate, a chauffeured limousine pulled up, and the man got in. It drove off.
“Was that God,” the priest asked, stunned by the display.
“Oh heavens no,” replied St. Peter. “That was a lawyer.”
“I don’t want to seem ungrateful, but can you answer a question for me?” The priest continued, “I spent my entire life devoted to my parishioners, and teaching the gospel, and I have very humble quarters in Heaven. I just don’t understand what that lawyer did, which would merit such a beautiful mansion.”
“It isn’t what he did,” St. Peter replied. “You see, we have thousands upon thousands of priests up here. But he’s our first lawyer.”
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